Tackling cyperbullying

PRETORIA IOL A life skills programme to protect children from abuse, including bullying, is using instant messaging (IM) as a form of support to assist children when confronted with various forms of mistreatment and peer pressure. Ironically, instant messaging services such as WhatsApp and Blackberry's BBM are often used as a tool in cyberbullying. But Grip Kidz has come up with a method of using IM in a preventive manner. Social worker and co-founder of Grip Kidz, Charmaine Haggard-Kitching, says many children attending her workshops have been victims of cyberbullying. “I started Grip Kidz after seeing how common cyberbullying has become and what a dramatic effect it has on a child,” she said. The four-hour Grip Kidz workshop accommodates pupils from grades 3 to 7 and is aimed at building confidence and assertiveness, and handling peer pressure, as well as anti-bullying self-knowledge and learning to protect and stand up for yourself. Haggard-Kitching says every child who completes the course automatically becomes part of the Grip Kidz group and this gives them access to a BBM support group, as well as communications via WhatsApp, on a 24-hour basis. “Should a child find themselves in a difficult situation or in a situation where they feel they are being bullied, they can send a WhatsApp message or a BBM to the group and will be able to get advice or support immediately,” she says. She says pressure to perform in various aspects of life, and growing up in a home where violence is a tendency, are two of the main reasons why children become bullies. “There is a very serious bully problem countrywide and the solution to stopping bullying lies with parents first and then with schools. “The statistics are shocking. The way the kids bully one another from a very early age is also shocking. We hear horror stories from parents and children who attend our workshops.” A recent report by the late Professor Alan Flisher from the Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health Department at the University of Cape Town, says studies have revealed that bullying in schools is a common worldwide phenomenon. According to Flisher, with the exception of cyberbullying, all other types of bullying occur in groups. He emphasises that bullying is often attributed to personality and family characteristics, and bullies are mostly short-tempered, impulsive and domineering. This is reinforced when a child grows up in a family that tolerates aggression and the use of power-assertive discipline such as corporal punishment. Flisher says it is a common misconception that bullies have low self-esteem, a low level of intellectual functioning and a lack of social skills. Studies have proven that in fact they are highly intelligent - they are able to spot which of their peers is a suitable victim and which will join in with the bullying. They are also good at coming up with justifications for their behaviour. Haggard-Kitching agrees with Flisher and says schools are doing little to assist victims of bullying. “As far as I know, the Department of Education does have an anti-bullying policy in place which expects teachers to handle bullying. How can one expect a teacher who has to control 30 children to effectively take action against one for bullying,” she asks. “Prevention should start at home.” Signs your child may be a bully: * Frequent name-calling * Regular bragging * A need always to get his/her own way * Spending more time with younger or less powerful kids * A lack of empathy for others * A defiant or hostile attitude, easily taking offence * Frequent misbehaviour at school (such as teasing, intimidating, physical aggression)