Tips for managing grief and loss

Reminders of loss can appear unexpectedly, but they often arise during the holidays. While many grief triggers are tied to places, events, or objects connected to your loss - like a visit to a cemetery, a birthday, a certain song, or the smell of perfume - it’s also normal for feelings of grief to arise without a clear reason.

To accept the reality of the loss

The first step is accepting the loss is real, which can be one of the hardest parts.

Allow yourself to revisit it: It’s normal to forget, deny, or feel like what’s happened is not real. You may need to remind yourself, again and again, that the person or thing is really gone.

Be patient with your feelings: You don’t need to accept it all at once. You might understand the loss has happened, but it can take time for your emotions to catch up.

Experience the pain of the loss

Grieving is painful, but avoiding the pain can prolong it. Let yourself feel it fully, in whatever way it comes.

Express your emotions: Whether it’s through talking, crying, writing, or just sitting in silence, let your feelings out.

Do it in your own way: Remember, everyone experiences grief differently. Take your time, and be gentle with yourself as you work through the pain in your own way.

Adjust to a new environment

Life can feel really different after a loss. As you adapt with changes, you might have to adjust to new roles, cope with feeling emotionally empty, or navigate social changes.

Accept that it’s a gradual process: Adjusting isn’t quick or easy and there will be ups and downs. You may have moments of progress followed by setbacks. Be kind to yourself and remember, this is normal. You don’t need to rush.

Find your rhythm: The adjustment is deeply personal. Don’t expect to have everything figured out right away - just move at your own pace.

Reinvest in a new reality

Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. You can still carry the memories while adapting to a new reality.

Create a new normal while honouring the past: Find ways to keep the person or thing you lost as part of your life, whether it’s through rituals, keepsakes, or memories. For example, you might light a candle in their honour on special days or continue traditions they loved. This allows you to maintain a connection while moving forward.

Practical strategies for managing emotions

Throughout your grief journey, it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions. Some may be easier to manage, while others might feel unexpected, overwhelming, or uncomfortable.

In some cases, grief can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, or panic attacks. When difficult emotions arise, or when you’re feeling deeply sad, stressed, anxious, or panicked, it can be helpful to have coping strategies like the ones listed below to rely on.

Keep in mind that what works for someone else might not work for you, and that’s okay. The key is to keep experimenting until you find what feels right.

Mindfulness and meditation

Stress and unease often arise when we focus on past events or worry about the future.

Mindfulness and meditation can help you bring yourself back to the present moment and feel like you’re calmer and more in control.

Although mindfulness and meditation may not be for everyone, studies have shown that even a short amount each day - just 10 minutes, can lead to noticeable benefits for your mental wellbeing.

Grounding techniques

Like mindfulness, grounding techniques can help you shift your attention away from distressing feelings and redirect it to what is happening right now. Grounding can be particularly helpful if you’re feeling overwhelmed, experiencing anxiety or panic attacks, or having flashbacks related to the trauma of your loss.

There are many grounding techniques to explore, but a great starting point is the five senses check-in, which can help in the moment to make your feelings less overwhelming.

Journal your thoughts and feelings

Journaling is a helpful way to process your thoughts and feelings, capture memories, and express frustrations and regrets.

Here are a few prompts you can use:

Today, I am really missing ...

The hardest time of day is ...

I could use some more ...

I could use some less ...

I am ready to feel ...

I find it helpful when ...

Write a letter

One of the hardest parts about loss, especially when it’s the loss of a person, is the feeling of having left words unspoken.

If it feels right, you can try writing a letter to the person or thing you lost. You can write about shared memories, express gratitude, or detail things you wish had been different.

If the relationship was challenging, you might also use the letter to articulate how their actions impacted you and why certain things were difficult.

Connect with others

Grief can be a heavy and isolating experience. If you feel ready, reaching out to family, friends, or a grief support service can help lighten the emotional burden you’re feeling right now.

Keep in mind that people may not always know what to say or how best to offer support. If you’re comfortable, guide them by letting them know what type of support you need.

For example, you could say things like:

‘I really need someone to listen to what I’m going through right now.’

‘I’m not sure what to do right now and would appreciate your advice.’

‘I’m not up for talking about my feelings today but it would be great to get outside for a walk.’

If you’re connecting with someone who shares your loss, try not to judge or compare your grief experience to theirs. Reactions to loss are deeply personal and influenced by factors that aren’t always visible. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Source: - https://toolkit.lifeline.org.au/

STATS:

How to create a self-care box

*Reflect on what makes you feel good

*Consider what's important to you in life

*Personalise and make it your own

*Embrace change and flexibility