Polygamy is for real men - YaShiindi
Africanist Nghipudilo yaShiindi has expressed her support for polygamy in Namibia, saying, to be successful, the practice requires ‘real’ men of strong character.
In an exclusive interview on The Evening Review on Monday, she dispelled the idea that polygamy “just about sex”.
“There are other responsibilities that men need to undertake and it also involves compassion. Not every man practiced polygamy, even in the old days. Some were content with one woman, but polygamy is meant for responsible men,” she said.
"What we see in the world today is not true polygamy. Instead, we see individuals with multiple partners avoiding responsibility. It's a touch-and-go situation because many men are afraid of responsibilities. For polygamy to work, it must be done correctly. One must be ready to take on the responsibilities that come with such a relationship.”
According to her, not every man is suited for a polygamous relationship or marriage because they have different desires. "Some men have a higher sexual drive, while not every woman wants to have sex every night. Polygamy can provide an option for women who do not have a high sex drive. If I don't feel like having sex one night, another woman can fulfil that need because the man wants to have sex," she explained.
Living in harmony
"I grew up in a setting that does not conform to ego-driven perspectives. The women who do not support or openly accept polygamy are often comfortable being labelled ‘side chicks’ or ‘side pieces’. Whether we like it or not, polygamy is happening. Some women might say they prefer their men to have other relationships as long as they don't find out, but that can be more dangerous than knowing where your man is and with whom. It also raises health concerns, such as testing for sexually transmitted infections and HIV," she said.
She further argued that there is a distinctive difference between someone who is a product of a monogamous relationship and those born from polygamous unions.
"One difference is that we [children of polygamous families] are not selfish beings. We learn to live in harmony with everyone. We view everyone in our community as part of us, as opposed to those born in monogamous marriages, who often focus solely on their immediate family," she said.
"Growing up in a polygamous setting with a large family, we learn to share and care for others, not just those born to our parents. I strongly feel that polygamy can help address gender-based violence because men want to care for their other women. However, society now perceives monogamous relationships as the ideal. If a man has children outside his marriage, those children are often treated as lesser than those within the marriage.”
She added: "A child visiting their father may not receive the same treatment as those living with him. Every child wants a bond with both parents. As a single mother, I have my child here while the father is elsewhere with his other women. Society's preference for monogamous relationships prevents me from being part of his life, which can cause my child to grow up without the presence of both parents," she said.
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In an exclusive interview on The Evening Review on Monday, she dispelled the idea that polygamy “just about sex”.
“There are other responsibilities that men need to undertake and it also involves compassion. Not every man practiced polygamy, even in the old days. Some were content with one woman, but polygamy is meant for responsible men,” she said.
"What we see in the world today is not true polygamy. Instead, we see individuals with multiple partners avoiding responsibility. It's a touch-and-go situation because many men are afraid of responsibilities. For polygamy to work, it must be done correctly. One must be ready to take on the responsibilities that come with such a relationship.”
According to her, not every man is suited for a polygamous relationship or marriage because they have different desires. "Some men have a higher sexual drive, while not every woman wants to have sex every night. Polygamy can provide an option for women who do not have a high sex drive. If I don't feel like having sex one night, another woman can fulfil that need because the man wants to have sex," she explained.
Living in harmony
"I grew up in a setting that does not conform to ego-driven perspectives. The women who do not support or openly accept polygamy are often comfortable being labelled ‘side chicks’ or ‘side pieces’. Whether we like it or not, polygamy is happening. Some women might say they prefer their men to have other relationships as long as they don't find out, but that can be more dangerous than knowing where your man is and with whom. It also raises health concerns, such as testing for sexually transmitted infections and HIV," she said.
She further argued that there is a distinctive difference between someone who is a product of a monogamous relationship and those born from polygamous unions.
"One difference is that we [children of polygamous families] are not selfish beings. We learn to live in harmony with everyone. We view everyone in our community as part of us, as opposed to those born in monogamous marriages, who often focus solely on their immediate family," she said.
"Growing up in a polygamous setting with a large family, we learn to share and care for others, not just those born to our parents. I strongly feel that polygamy can help address gender-based violence because men want to care for their other women. However, society now perceives monogamous relationships as the ideal. If a man has children outside his marriage, those children are often treated as lesser than those within the marriage.”
She added: "A child visiting their father may not receive the same treatment as those living with him. Every child wants a bond with both parents. As a single mother, I have my child here while the father is elsewhere with his other women. Society's preference for monogamous relationships prevents me from being part of his life, which can cause my child to grow up without the presence of both parents," she said.
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